Seat 11B is a nice place to be.
Next to your squeeze. In front of the wing. Nice big window to check the scene on approach.
Weekend getaway. Or company perk.
Good to get some time to yourself.
Just don’t touch that tray-table in front of you.
At least, not until you’ve wiped it.
Not with a tissue either, but with those antiseptic hand-wipes your bought before boarding.
That THING carries more germs than anywhere else on the plane. Eight times more than the flush button in the loo. And way more than any place in your home – 2,155 colony-forming bacteria per square inch.
That’s 337,796 bacteria crammed onto your lap-sized 16½ by 9½ inch eating space!
OK, so you’re not going to eat. Spoil your dinner at that posh restaurant you’re going to when you land.
Spoil your dinner anyway if you touch that thing without wiping it down.
But just sitting there with your iPad means the backs of your hands are in contact. And you’re not going to believe it, the average person touches their face 3 to 5 times every waking minute – an unconscious reflex that all of us have.
So you may not ingest those germs from eating, they’ll get in anyway through your mouth or eye openings – you do it to yourself without knowing.
And what surprises can you expect to find?
Poo for a start. Those tray tables sometimes get used to change nappies. But poo anyway because so few people wash their hands after going to the loo. Which means high risk of everybody’s holiday favourite norovirus at the very least.
So it’s not just the tray table you’re going to wipe is it?
You’re going to do your hands too – probably more than once. Whenever you think about it. Whenever you touch something that could harbour germs.
And since it’s a few hours before you land, you’ll have time to reflect on the need to keep doing it when you get off the plane too.
That posh restaurant for example, your special reward for yourself. There’s other people there too, all dolled up to the nines like you.
Impressive, yes. But when did they last wash their hands?
Maybe they showered coming straight from the office. Or maybe they just togged up and ran. Don’t want to waste valuable drinking time – sorry, socialising time.
Except part of this place’s charm is self-service. Eat-as-much-as-you-like – smorgasbord, salad bar, you name it. And all those other people are touching the same serving spoons and forks that you are. You with your antiseptic-wiped hands, them straight in off the street.
Which is why you keep wipes on you all the time of course. You can’t always get to a washroom. And they wipe goo off your hands, which always seems to get on there when you don’t want it – something those antiseptic gels just can’t.
Worth it too – it only takes a few moments. And the food is every bit as amazing as you hoped it would be.
Those other folk from the plane are eating here too. Another getaway couple. Give them a wave. They’re not carrying wipes like you are, so that e.coli attack is going to mess up their whole time here.
All the time, always
Yup, now you’re thinking, it should be a life-time habit.
Not just for your hands. Not just for your tray table. There’s your office desk as well. Didn’t you read somewhere that the average office desk has 400 times more bacteria than a toilet seat?
Come to that, the office should get a Hypersteriliser as well. So should this restaurant. Sterilise the place properly.
People walk around with 10 million viruses and bacteria on their hands most of the time – trailing a whole bio-cloud of several trillion others. Locked in here overnight, they’re just waiting for new victims to walk in tomorrow.
But not if they’re knocked out with hydrogen peroxide plasma. The whole place is sterile – safe like your hands are.
Hmm, what will that couple do when the e.coli strikes?
Claim food poisoning? Sue the restaurant? They wipe themselves out, then they want to wipe out their hosts.
Which could never be you of course.
Your hands are clean.