How using your phone on the loo could cost your job

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Girl phoning on loo
You don’t want to know what could be on your phone

Look away now if you gross out easy – this one’s not for the squeamish.

Though you might squeam loud when you realise the consequences.

You see, your phone’s got poo on it. Dinkum.

Some researchers reckon it’s not every phone, it’s only one in six.

Yeah, right.

You’re sitting on the hopper, you get stuff on your hands – impossible not to. And your phone’s in your hands, so it’s got poo on it. A no brainer.

Forgotten hygiene habits

So maybe you’re one of that amazing minority who does actually wash your hands after going to the loo. Most people don’t, in fact they’re real chance-takers.

Uh huh. Even celebs like Jennifer Lawrence fess up that she doesn’t wash after taking a dump. She denies it now, but we all tell those kind of porkies, don’t we?

But let’s get real now, who in the world washes their phone?

Nobody, right? Water and phone batteries don’t get on.

But even if you did wash it, the stuff comes straight back onto your fingers next time you use the thing. And keeps transferring to everything you touch afterwards.

The stuff on your desk? The lift buttons, light switches, door handles and all? 10 million germs on it according to research.

And how do you think the stuff got there?

Your job on the line

OK, so totally gross – what’s this got to do with losing your job? ‘Elf & Safety poo police going to get you fired or what?

A lot worse than that.

Because with stuff on your hands and your desk and your phone, it’s inevitable you’re going to transfer some to other people – the people you work alongside, your colleagues.

And as you’ve probably experienced yourself many times in this life, Sod’s Law always applies.

So while most of the time nothing happens with all this stuff on your hands – just when you don’t want it to, things go pear-shaped. Like the faeces literally hit the propeller.

Most likely calamity choice? Norovirus – the most common cause of gastroenteritis world-wide. A.k.a. gastric flu or food poisoning – or as regulars of this blog already recognise, the Don’t-Wash-Hands Disease.

Translate that as severe cramps, projectile vomiting, violent diarrhoea and days of on-going misery. Strikes in as little as twenty minutes, twelve hospitals in Scotland already smitten with it, 3 million cases annually and around 80 deaths.

The UK’s top sickie

Yeah, a major player. Get norovirus in the office and it goes round like wildfire – seen what it does to cruise ships? But at least they’re ready for it – with doctors, nurses and a whole crew standing by with disinfectant sprays and the works. Back home, all anyone’s got in the office is Band-Aid strips.

OK, so you’re playing with fire. And with poo on your hands, sooner or later something WILL happen.

Like when that make-or-break project comes in, and it’s all hands to the pump. Concentrated 24/7 to get it done. The one critical shot at fame and fortune – or the company goes to the wall.

Think it can’t happen? Ace consultants Pricewaterhouse Cooper put the cost of sickness absence in the UK at £29 billion annually. Top accountant gurus Sage put it at three times that, topping £100 billion. Plenty of companies better than yours go bang against money like that.

Facing reality

So how’s it going, with everyone at home, groaning and clutching their gut? Networked on the laptop, sitting on the loo, nobody’s brain more than mush for longer than five minutes – what chance do any of you have?

Yeah, the writing’s on the wall. Take chances and there might not BE a company left to work for.

So them’s your marching orders.

Don’t take your phone to the loo and ALWAYS wash your hands. Wipe the phone regularly with antiseptic wipes – and everything on your desk too.

If we’ve made you paranoid – and with so many germs hazards around it’s difficult not to be – you can even sterilise your office nightly with a Hypersteriliser. Germs oxidised to zero by ionised hydrogen peroxide – all surfaces and the air itself – the whole place, safe and secure.

Anyway, who wants to talk in the loo? Whoever’s in the stall next to you starts blabbing and it’s all over town, like a virus of its own.

Better to keep schtum – and hold your job.