Step away from the street vendor!
Yes, it’s the most amazing croqueta de jamón in the whole world. And the same guy does the meanest shawarma ever.
But step away, NOW!
Fast food alert
No, not because the food is iffy. And not because that trolley is unhealthy. Tourism is big business, so everything gets checked with a magnifying glass. Watch out for the cops on their quad bikes, doing surprise inspections. It’s not the vendor you should be worried about.
Like, you’re hungry and you’re about to scoff yourself stupid. Street food on the way to the beach and a genuine all-over tan.
So when did you last wash your hands?
When you got up? Before breakfast? When you did your teeth?
And how long ago was that?
How many streets have you been down since? Did you grab the boat rail when you climbed aboard? You put suntan lotion all over that guy’s back – did you get it off your fingers?
And is that your beach bag lying on the deck? Reckon they hosed it down this morning? Before all the flip-flops and bare feet? And how about that beach you sat on?
Plus you high-fived with those Italian guys, chucked coconuts at the fair stall, hung on tight on the white-knuckle roller coaster – are you sure you’re ready for that croqueta de jamón?
Because if you come down with a bug or something, it’s not going to be the vendor’s fault.
The price of sloppy hygiene
It’s going to be yours.
And how’s he to compensate that your hygiene is so lax?
Yet chances are, while you’re groaning with tummy cramps, that you’ll blame him for your troubles.
Always dodgy in the street, you never know where anything’s been. Foreign food anyway, your system’s not used to it. You can never trust these places.
A load of bull, isn’t it?
Because you know when you washed your hands. And now something’s happened, you’re super embarrassed by it.
Like, how can you admit that you didn’t? Or that you don’t look after yourself regularly? You and the crowd that you’re with – your family, your mates? Ew!
But that’s not you, is it?
You’re on holiday, hyped up, getting out and doing stuff – you know you need to take care.
So you wash your hands every chance you can get. Like Jack Nicholson in The Bucket List, never trust a fart. Never pass up the opportunity to keep clean – because you never know what’s coming next.
Every time you go to the loo, of course. 30 euros in the turnstile, you might as well.
And excuse yourself to go to the bathroom before you eat anything. It makes space for more and you know you’re safe.
Plus carry a hand gel, just to make sure. Your holiday is a whole eating experience, you don’t want to miss out.
Uh, huh. You get the picture now.
That mob at the hotel, groaning with norovirus. Going to sue the tour operator, are they? And you SAW the woman never went near the taps when she went for a sprinkle.
Clean is as clean does – and you’re ahead of the game. So when you climb on that jet to go home, it’s not you saying “never again”.
It’s a great big world out there – and you’re going to put your finger in every pie.
Go on, enjoy. Your hands are clean.