Trick or treat. Jab or jolly. It’s your choice.
Best to go for the jab though – it’s that time of year.
Too many of those fruity shooters on the Big Night and you don’t know your whatever from your elbow.
Just a cold, huh?
You stagger home in the rain and sure as anything, it gets you. Only a sniffle, you think – with the room still going round the next morning.
Then you throw up on the Piccadilly Line on the way to the office.
“Wild mixing”, you mumble to your horrified companions.
“Ebola,” they shout – and you’re strong-armed off at Leicester Square by a bunch of hazmat hoodies.
You know the truth, but they’re not taking any chances. And how were you to know that first-week symptoms are the same for flu and Ebola? Or that tequila, peach schnapps and malibu rum would have such an effect?
Mind you, flu’s not nice at the best of times. Miserable, headaches, sore throat, aches in the joints – your own mini-Ebola.
Flu by numbers
Not to be played with either – 31,100 deaths in England and Wales last year (the Scots know better, they stick to whisky). Ordinary innocent people done in by what they call Excess Winter Mortality, a Whitehall-ese catch-all for colds, flu and pneumonia – doesn’t matter which, it will kill you anyway.
And those were figures for a mild winter – not the perisher we look set for after the warmest weather in yonks.
Ordinary common or garden flu, we’re talking – not the Spanish variety that killed 100 million back in 1918, more than the whole of World War One – or Hong Kong flu, a tiddler that only killed 33,800 in 1968.
Super-contagious – atishoo!
Yes, Ebola’s dangerous, but the current outbreak is low at 10,000 deaths world-wide. And you can’t catch it if somebody sneezes all over you on the Piccadilly Line.
Except your fellow passengers don’t know that.
To stop train, pull handle – penalty for improper use £50.
A worthwhile investment to avoid Ebola.
What’s up, Doc?
All of which says, get your Halloween shot right now. It’s the start of the season for goodness sake. Why go miserable when you could have a ball? And not just for Halloween, but for all 56 days until Christmas and beyond.
Do it it now.
Oh yes, and for Halloween night itself, take two paracetamol and an alka-seltzer before you go to bed.
You might just make it on the Piccadilly Line.